...TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING!!!!

by Elizabeth Hawbaker

Diving into the 2020 homeschool year has been a wild ride and it’s only mid-January!  We began the year visiting our oldest at his Air Force base after being away from home for two months.  It was wonderful to hug his neck and see the place where he had landed after his launch from home. He’s our first homeschool graduate and has always taken an unusual, adventurous road, never one to be satisfied with the status quo or the beaten path.  He has about a year of college under his belt and he wants to pursue a grand adventure in the military that includes a lot of growth in virtue. I guess that’s the irony of 2020 for me as a homeschooling mom of 14 plus years--I get to spend quite a bit of time this year looking in the rearview mirror so to speak.  What is it they say about hindsight? 20/20!   

The  visit to our son was the culmination of many thousands of miles on a family road trip and countless 4am mornings loaded up in the big van.  Hearts swelled as we grew closer to our destination and being reunited with this son and big brother of ours. But first there were potty breaks and two year old tantrums to avoid and on-the-road-meals to plan and pack and transport for 7 people plus a few friends and grandparents traveling in caravan.  Then we got to the important work of those big bear hugs right there on the morning of the first day of the new year. The perfect start!  

So we’ve successfully educated-at-home one child and have 4 more to follow.  I find myself walking the very fine line between “Oh, I’ve got this...been there, done that!” and “Parenting is SO hard...I have no idea what I’m doing!”  In hindsight I see all the flaws and mistakes along the way. All the times I was too controlling, where perfectionism stole my joy, and relationships were damaged with fiery tempers and too high expectations.  All these things come into the spotlight when you spend every waking moment under the same roof with the same people. You get to be the sandpaper to rub off each other’s rough edges, and you frequently get your own sharp corners painfully smoothed out.  

On the flip side of that coin I can look back and see the beautiful fruit of this homeschool lifestyle.  We have had so much time to spend together. Precious time that is a treasure I am only now beginning to appreciate with one adult child out of the nest.  Our kids magnificently lack the self-consciousness that was like a second skin to my own middle-school self as I navigated the treacherous public school social scene.  I’m in awe of the confidence and happiness of my kids in comparison to the life I had during those awkward pre-teen and teen years. We have kids who have quirky hobbies and deep, deep friendships with their peers.  They know their faith and live it in ways that constantly inspire my husband and me. The truth is, they have taught us so, so much. We get to spend our days efficiently balanced between study, chores, prayer, family life, playtime with friends and the endless projects and plans that 5 children can imagine! 

Practically speaking we had to re-enter the homeschool year mid-January without missing a beat.  There was a dual enrollment community college class to start and lots of reading and math lessons to continue from the fall semester.  The two year old in the mix means lessons have to be strategically taught when he’s occupied. Either that or I have to wear ear plugs.  Two year olds are loud! I have two young children going through that sensitive time of development that I know is normal for kids reaching the age of reason.  Scrupulosity has to be avoided daily and there are many, many talks to calm young hearts filled with worries as they begin to see the big world out there and some of its pitfalls.  These sensitivities have me going back and forth between reassuring them that some minor mistake is not the end of the world and comforting their innocent hearts as they confide in me their ardent desire that everyone goes to heaven and their fear that someone they know might not go to heaven.  “But, Mom, what about all those people who don’t believe in Jesus?!”  

My days and nights are filled with big conversations about such things.  And lots of conversations about logistics for various social outings and plans.  There’s a big dance coming up, can we buy tickets? My friend and I wrote a play, can we get ALL our friends together to practice it and perform it in one day?  Youth group is tonight, can we drive the neighbors? My friend and I want to do the online geography class together, what day can we invite their family over? It’s a wonderful dance across the calendar as it gets filled to the brim with rich, lovely, creative plans for the whole family.  We’ve intentionally not signed ourselves up for sports and other extracurriculars so that we can say “Yes!” to the ingenious plans that come up spontaneously throughout the year. Sure, we sign up for a play or children’s choir at church or other small, short term commitments, but nothing huge and nothing that takes over the entire family calendar to the detriment of all those wonderful moments of “Yes, we can do that!”   As an introvert, I also had to come up with a sanity saving rule for my extraverted children to follow. Here’s my secret: “You may not talk to me about another social event while we are at the current social event, on the way home from a social event, or within 2 hours of arriving home from the current social event.” It boils down to--”Enjoy the moment!” “Let mom enjoy the moment!” And “Let mom decompress!” Then, later, I’ll be happy to hear your future plans!

Tonight, as I type at the library, my teenager is at play rehearsal in the room next door, the little kids are on an outing with dad searching for the perfect chicken kitchen scraps bucket to fit under our sink, and our oldest is preparing for an epic trial of all his physical and emotional stamina halfway across the country.  I’m stretched, to be sure. My homeschooling mama heart is pulled in many directions, often all at the same time. To be honest, this home

school life with this big family is such hard work. It brings me to my knees in prayer as I see how many virtues I lack to fulfill my duties, as I figure out ways to get just a little bit of quiet time alone, as I pray for the financial means to take care of all these people, as I place all my worries and concerns for each of these souls that I know so well into the hands of Jesus.  That Surrender Novena is my mantra and the Divine Mercy Image is my banner. “O, Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!” And he does. Time and time again. Little stuff and big. Huge stuff. Everything. “Jesus, I trust in you.” He has proven himself trustworthy. Over and over again!